Naps, Mishaps and Product Caps - The Mentals and Physicals of being a Naturalista

Ok, so my intention was to write all of my natural hair goals for 2011. But I have decided to switch gears - in honor of "Natural Hair Day", I'm gonna post 11 simple do's and don'ts for true natural divas.  I've got seven years in the natural hair game, and I have seen it ebb and flow through things both positive and negative. So here goes:

1. DO be honest about your inspiration. I didn't decide to transition because I wanted to liberate myself from the evil clutches of chemicals. I transitioned because I was a starving actress who could not afford touch-ups at NY's high-priced salons. Whether my curl pattern was wavy or zig-zaggy, I was going for it. *shrugs* If you want to transition because its trendy now, go for it. Its your hair, not your religion.

2. DON'T look down on sistas who have relaxers. Just because someone has a perm does not mean they hate themselves! When I had a relaxer, I loved my hair. Now that my hair is all-natural...I love my hair. I always say, good hair is hair that is well groomed and well taken care of. There is room in that category for all of us!

3. DON'T think that because you're natural that you can put anything "natural" on your hair! I'll say this again - I am not putting monkey sweat, raw ostrich eggs, sulfured molasses, or anything else ridiculous in my hair just because it's "all-natural". It's ok to peruse the kitchen for some natural hair essentials, but please understand and know your hair. There are products out there that are designed to make your process easier - take advantage of them!

4. DO understand that everyones hair is different. So your girlfriend gives a product a raving review, but on your head, it ends in a sticky mess. Your hair is unique to you - and I mean more than just a curl type label. All 4a's and  3c's aren't curled alike. 


5. DO have patience and be willing to experiment. You can't find out everything there is to know about your hair from blogs and YouTube tutorials. At some point, you're going to have to just try some stuff out and learn your hair. Products don't change just because you finally found a review where it worked for someone. If it didn't work the first time you tried it, it still won't. And remember, it takes your hair at least two weeks to get accustomed to a new regimen. So don't get discouraged if you don't see results right away.

6. DON'T let society and the media tell you what your hair should look like! Ladies, at the peaks of our natural hair journeys, we will not all look like Alicia Keys and Mel B. Invest in what style will look good on you, and don't stop searching until you find something you love with your hair.

7. DON'T let people discourage you from transitioning! The truth is, people are afraid of what they don't understand. Why on earth would someone want to NOT comb their hair everyday? Why wouldn't you want sleek, straight hair that you can swing? Isn't that what every lady wants? Not anymore. And please try and refrain from getting wrapped up in Jigaboo/Wannabe fights. We're so past that - don't let a relaxed chick intimidate you. If you're feeling the pressure, just wait until you're ready. We'll be here for you when you are. ;-)

8. DON'T buy into the notion that natural hair is a "movement". Choosing to go natural is just that - a choice. Women have had the option of wearing their hair in natural styles since the beginning of time. The fact that it is trendy now doesn't make it a movement. Just makes folks more aware. Kind of like how Oprah's Book Club had to remind some folks that black women do read. Making it a movement means that it will eventually be done, having made its mark on history. I want my children and grandchildren to always have the option of wearing their hair how they want without feeling alienated by society.

9. DO understand styling your hair isn't just about the products - it's also about the process. I have learned that not taking care in the process of caring for your natural hair can be detrimental, no matter how good the product is. Take the time to take the necessary steps - let the conditioner saturate the hair shaft. Comb through in sections. Don't dry with a towel. Don't cut corners in your process and then blame the product.  My entire hair regimen at the moment cost me all of $25 and I'm super happy with the results now that I know exactly how to use them. 


10. DO understand that as a true natural diva, you can make your own rules. Wanna color your natural hair? Do it. Who cares if some people consider hair dye a chemical? Wanna straighten your natural hair every week? Do it. I didn't sign on to be a natural hair ambassador - I did it cuz it works for ME. Some naturalistas love concocting and mixing their own hair products right from their kitchen, while others spend hundreds of dollars on products that are just right for their hair. Neither is wrong. I'm not natural, my hair is. So don't give me the side-eye when you see me eating McDonald's instead of organic hemp seed tofu sandwiches. My hair does not, will not, and hasn't ever defined me. 


11. DO surround yourself with a support system if you need it. I went at my transition journey pretty much alone - just me and my hairdresser. But it wasn't that bad. I've never been one to follow the crowd, but unfortunately, in the short years that I have had natural hair, times have changed. Take advantage of whatever you need that's out there - natural hair forums, blogs, YouTube videos, transition buddies, hair mentors, whatever. We live in a world where your hair may not seem like a big deal...until you get passed over for a job because of it, or something equally as disrespectful. Be supportive and you'll get it back. That's something that works whether it's about your hair or not, ladies.

That's all I got. Here's to new styles, new mind sets, and a new attitude for you and your hair!

Soul Survivor - Change Gon' Come

So it's been a loooooonnnnggggg time since I have posted. I don't generally make New Year's Resolutions, but if I had one to make, it would be to keep up with my trusty blog - for you guys AND for me! I don't know about you, but it has been a rough year for me. I've ran from some things, and right smack into other things. I feel bruised and damaged mentally, physically and spiritually to put it mildly.  Actually, 2010 can suck it (see photo). But the great thing about 2010 is that it doesn't last forever. There's a brand new year approaching, and dammit, I'm determined to Sam Cooke it this year - a change IS gonna come! So here are 5 questions I found to gain some perspective going into the new year:

1. What gave me joy this year?


2. What did I take offense to? And did I really need to take offense?

3. Is there someone I should forgive?


4. What are the highlights of my character? My strong points?


5. How will I try to sustain happiness?


Some may find these questions difficult to answer, but try. You will be surprised by the answers. I've answered them already, and I feel like I know a little more about who I am, and who I want to be.

Here's what you can look forward to from Eat, Seek and Be Merry for 2011!

Soul Survivor 
Happiness: Choice or Circumstance? 
Coping with Loss, and the Brands of Grief
Dust Yourself Off and Try Again: Dating After The End of a Relationship Era


Tales of a Foodie


Reader's Choice - Most Requested Recipes!
Before and After - Some of my favorite Appetizer and Dessert Recipes
Themes: Menu Options for Every Occasion


Kiss My Glass


Thinking Outside The Glass - New Drink Recipes with Unconventional Ingredients
More Mocktails for the Non-Drinker
Boozing Up Your Favorite Childhood Drinks


Naps, Mishaps and Product Caps


The New Adventures of Old Torie's Hair - New Style Ideas for 2011
The Perfect (Hair) Cocktail
The Process - It takes more than just the perfect product


Black Girl's Think Tank


Top 5 Favorite Magazines and Why
Top 5 Favorite Books of All Time
Steve Harvey - Friend or Foe to the Black Woman?


I am excited for what's to come, and I hope you'll continue to join me for the ride. Happy New Year!

Naps, Mishaps and Product Caps - DO Get It Twisted!

Oh yes, we DO get it twisted!!!  I'll admit that ordinarily I am not quick to jump to protective styling. A few years back, I decided to just try it. Below are some pics of two-strand twists and then the twist-out from when a friend of mine twisted my hair for me.

Last week's twist out was the first time I twisted it myself and it came out great! I used Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine Leave-In Conditioner, Curl Euphoria by Curls and a little bit of IC Olive Oil Gel. I just did basic two-strand twists while my hair was still damp.

Then I let my hair dry completely, then took out the twists and kind of fluffed it.

I found that my hair was consistently defined all the way around in a twisty pattern - no weird frizzy spots like I sometimes get when I wash and go. It was soft and shiny too! The only thing I didn't like was that it didn't last as long. By Day 3 it was kind of matted and wonky-looking. But the days it was fresh, it was fly!

Next up? Bantu knots! Not to wear them, but to take them out once my hair is dry. It'll be my first time trying it, so a good friend of mine agreed to do them for me. Stay tuned!

What's your favorite protective style? Do you use them just for setting purposes or do you where them out?

Soul Survivor - Motivation List

I'm baaaaaaccckkkk! I fell off for a minute, but I'm back with a great list! For those of you who know me, you know how much I love lists...which is probably why I love those things that your friends forward to you and make you cut and paste to fill in your own answers. When you don't allow people to free write and get lost in a lot of ramble and rhetoric (me included), I find that you discover more about their personality. And it forces you to put things together with what you're given - a great life skill. Simplicity says it best.

So below is my list of things that motivate me. Feel free to respond with your own.

1. Babies - not exactly sure why, but I think it has something to do with them being new and innocent...gives me an urge to start fresh where I need to.

2. Spiritual Devotion/Prayer - no matter what spiritual concept you relate to, any quiet time devoted to it can be refreshing and renewing.

3. People with similar passions as me - when I see someone doing what I love on their grind, it really lights a fire under my butt!

4. Travelling - it temporarily takes me away, so inevitably I have something to "come back" to. I use this as an excuse to "come back" a little different than I left.

5. Talking and Re-Connecting to someone I haven't spoken to in a long time - this always ends up reminding me of some great story or happening that I may have forgotten about. Which takes me back to a moment in time when something was different, and may have been working better for me.

6. Getting my mom's perspective from when she was my age - the times may have been different, but talking with my mom reminds me of our similarities. This sometimes gives me options in decision-making because I have a little insight on how things will turn out, and how I may receive the results. Worst case scenario? I know what not to do.

7. Reminiscing on a horrible time - some people say it's not good to say things like "It could have been worse." I believe that when it actually has been worse, it helps put things into perspective - you got through it.

8. Talking - sometimes sharing your thoughts out loud make them mean something different; your own tone on a certain situation can change how you think about it. You can actually motivate yourself. Sounds cheesy, but true.

9. A good book or movie - Art imitates life; I always feel like I have the power to control and change everything in my life once I see an example of how many different ways it can be done. And not be done, for that matter.

10. An indulgent experience - Go out to dinner. See a movie. New outfit. Buy some expensive cheese and cheap wine. Or vice versa. If you feel that you have indulged, it will be followed by the feeling that you deserved it. And you'll want more. What can be more motivating than that?

Naps, Caps and Product Caps - My Favorite CHEAP Products!

It never fails...whenever I go out, at least one person asks what products I use on my hair. And they are always surprised with my answer, because most of the time it's something cheap. Now I use a LOT of different products on my hair, and all of them are not cheap...but I have noticed they both work equally as well in different ways. So I decided to compile a list of my favorite cheap hair products.

There are 2 great thing about this list: these are products that I absolutely LOVE and vouch for and they are all under $10!!!

First up...Conditioners! My long-time favorite conditioner Loreal Nature's Therapy Mega Moisture Nurturing Creme. 8 oz container - $6.99

When I use this conditioner, my hair feels like I just poured hot, melted butter all over it! Hy hair instantly softens as soon as the conditioner hits my hair. It almost detangles itself. And once it's dry, it still feels soft. And looks great! No matter how you style your hair, this conditioner is a great step in your regimen.


My next favorite is Yes To Cucumbers. The great thing about this one is at regular price, it's about $10. But if you have Ross store near you, you can snag it for $3.99!

This conditioner makes my hair smell fresh and clean, instantly detangles and softens, and is eco-friendly! It's made with 99% all-natural ingredients. It's very light, and I have to discipline myself not to use too much, because a little goes a long way. I won a bottle of this from one my favorite blog's give-away and fell in love with it!


Next up are my fave cheapie Leave-In Conditioners. The one I use right now is Garnier Fructis Leave-In Conditioning Creme Sleek and Shine. The most expensive I've seen it is $4.

When I use this, it's a part of a hair cocktail (I'll be discussing the other part of the cocktail further down) and I love it. I use it when I wash and go, and it makes my curls soft and springy. It absorbs without leaving my hair greasy or gunky. But it maintains moisture pretty well; I usually re-apply after a couple of days.



I also like Motions Nourish Leave-In Conditioner. It costs about $4.

I love that this is a spray - it gives me versatility to use outside of just washing my hair, like at the beach or anytime I feel like my hair and scalp is dry. I spray it on before I style, and I feel like it puts a protective slip on my curls. Also good for hydrating in between washing and co-washing.



Now for my favorite cheapie styling products. I'll start with the other half of my hair cocktail, Organic Root Stimulator Olive Oil Anti-Frizz Polisher. It $7.99 in mostly places, but at the variety store up the block, it's $5.99!

I love to use this on humid days, because it really combats the frizz as the label promises! I mix this with a conditioner (my hair cocktail), and it makes a perfect styling glaze for my curls. And it only takes a little, so it lasts a long time. It gives gloss and soft control. My hair loves it.



This is probably the cheapest of my cheapie faves, but I always keep a jar of Ampro Pro Styl Protein Styling Gel. You can find this as cheap as $0.99!

This is the last step of my wash and go styling ritual. I use it first to tame the fly-aways around my hairline and to keep my curls from falling too far forward on my face. Then I evenly disperse on my damp curls, a moderate amount. I like that it helps define my curls with a little hold without making my hair hard or crunchy.


Next fave styling product is Soft and Beautiful Botanicals Light Creme Moisturizer. A 6 oz tube is about $5.

I use this as an everyday moisturizer. It's a happy medium between too heavy and too light. I re-wet my curls just a little, and slap some of this stuff on it. It looks like a fresh wash and go! My hair is soft and the curls are well defined. And it smells delicious!




And last but not least, my go-to styling aid that never lets me down, Smooth and Shine Curl Activator Gel for Extra Dry Hair. The 10.5 oz container is $3.99.

This is my Curly Pudding/Kinky Curling Custard/Curls Milkshake wannabe styling product! On my damp and well-conditioned hair, this is a GREAT styling product. It dries my hair to shiny, soft, hydrated and well-defined curls. It smells great, and it lasts for a few days (which for us wash and go girls is good news!) My hair can still move when it dries. I recommend this to all first-time wash and go curl stylers!

So that's the list of my all-time favorite cheapie natural hair products. I'll be compiling another list soon of my favorite higher end products as well. But these serve my hair quite nicely when I'm pinching pennies. I hope this helps you too - feel free to leave a comment and add to the list!

Black Girl Think Tank - Recovering Yes Woman

I am a recovering Yes Woman...in training. This post is inspired by an article I recently re-read in the February 2004 issue of Essence called "Learning To Say No" by Pearl Cleage (who just happens to be one of my favorite author/playwrights).

I love to say yes. It makes me feel good to be able to help others, give people what they want, what they need. But when I get stuck doing something that only benefits the other party involved, I'm left with that feeling. You know the one. The same feeling I get when I pay to see a bad movie. Feeling like I lost some valuable time in my life that I can never get back. Now I'm not saying we should all become the Wicked Bi*ch of the West hitting everybody with the booming "(Hell) NO". But at some point in your adult life, you have to start putting yourself first. And when you say "yes" to something you don't want to do, for whatever reason, you're prioritizing yourself second, at best. Enough of that, and you'll wake up one day wondering where you went and when you became so bitter. I'll tell you why. The time you give to everybody else is not, in fact, extra time. You'll begin to realize that the time you have to do the things YOU want to do is disappearing. This can be frustrating. Because who you are now has become who THEY (the askers) want you to be, and who you want to be seems to be moving farther and farther away. Your life isn't yours anymore, and you feel like you're losing control.

In order to reclaim her life, Pearl Cleage came up with six important questions you should ask yourself when someone asks you a question that requires a yes or no answer:

1. What am I being asked to do?

2. Who is making the request?

3. Who will benefit from this activity?

4. What do I want to do?

5. What will happen if I say no?

6. What will happen if I say yes?

She acknowledges the fact that #4 is the hardest to deal with, and I agree; it's difficult when you've become accustomed to being of service to everyone and feeling guilty if you don't. I tried this, and I can honestly say I was amazed at how many things I got done that benefited ME when I was able to say no. I could feel myself slowly taking control over my life again. Now I try my best to refrain from giving away important chunks of my life. You can adapt these six questions to almost anything, even something as simple as deciding whether or not to answer your phone. You have that right. And I promise, it won't make you the Bad Guy...just the Self-Assured Guy that's well on your way to happiness and a new sense of self-worth. Learning to say no is a process that definitely won't happen overnight. But to commit to it is imperative because when you do, the most important person to you will finally be YOU.

Naps, Mishaps and Product Caps - Cinnamon Lightening

So as I was perusing natural hair blogs, I came across the blog of my good friend L. Michelle's blog. I read that one of her followers My Natural Me "lightens" her hair with cinnamon. I love dying my hair, but it is quite expensive to get it done professionally. Plus the harsh chemicals that are cheaper dry my already parched curls out. So I decided the Google this cinnamon-coloring thing. I found a how-to on it, and I tried it this past weekend. Below is a before pic:

First I mixed the cinnamon with one of my V-05 conditioners.

Once I got it nice and smooth, I applied it to my hair. I covered every inch!

                                    

Then after I applied it, I covered it with a shower cap and left it in for 5 1/2 hours.     

 FINAL REVIEW: It did not work AT ALL. My hair looked exactly the same as it did before the treatment. It didn't even look lighter in the sun! Maybe my hair is too coarse and thick to take to the treatment, because as you can see, I applied A LOT of cinnamon paste to my hair!

See? Still dark! The bright side is that cinnamon is said to have other great properties. It is said to prevent hair breakage and reduce hair loss. So I ended up with supposedly stronger, cinnamon-y hair (my hair STILL smells like a sweet potato pie)! But no lightening. So don't waste your good cinnamon on this one.