I'm not one for making New Year's Resolutions. They give me pause when I realize that I'm inevitably going to fall off the wagon. But I do like to check in and see how my life has been affected over the course of the year - what's changed, what hasn't, what needs to. Its kind of like dieting (which I am also NOT a fan of) - I'm better off making small dietary changes in choices that eventually will feel normal to me. I think life can benefit from the same practices. So I'm gonna check in and assess:
This time last year, I was not yet 30. I still had that slight sense of immortality you have when you're still in your twenties - that feeling where you feel like no matter what you're doing, you still have time to correct/eradicate/change the behavioral thought pattern behind it. Because you're still in your twenties....you can deal with it when you turn 30. Hmph.
Last year, my worst fear was not being able to graduate from Normal Life 101 after life dealt me a heaping serving of POO. This year the same catalyst of events have continued to change this thought process dramatically. Now, I almost feel too mortal - there is a heightened sense of anxiety I never thought I'd be a victim of. Before I reach 31, I will work on this. No one should have to live in fear.
This July, I will have been a resident of New York for 9 years. That makes 9 years out of college, so actually, 9 years as a resident of The Adult World. My social practices have changed immensely, although last year I rang in the New Year almost exactly the same way I did this year. Close to home, with lots of drinks. I'm not done going out and having fun, but even though its hard to meet someone new at the Home Bar & Lounge, the couch is comfy and the drinks are cheap. *shrugs*
My friendships/relationships have taken a few turns, both for better or worse. This past year I was forced to evaluate the term "best friend." The people in my life I call friend all are different things to me, and serve their purpose in my life in different ways. To refer to one of them as "best" is strange to me - it seems like "best" is normally code for "most loyal" or "been my friend the longest" or "person I hang out with most." That being said, some of my oldest friends (old as in length of time, not age) are no longer in my life as of last year. And some of my newer friends are closer to me. You roll with like-minded people, and minded-ness has evolved. Especially over the past year. I'm rolling with it. A reason, season or lifetime? I'll enjoy them all. And dismiss accordingly.
As for dating...the jury is still out. I'm a creature of habit and vacate regularly to The Comfort Zone Resort. Dating is scary. Starting over is scary. This time last year, I was NOT ready to move forward. This year...I'm a little more ready. And that's enough for me right now. Time to redirect my focus...or at least attempt to. No Dating Diets, just no sudden moves.
Finally, I'm trying to be more positive this year. Positive thoughts are all the rage on Facebook and Twitter, so I'll give it a shot. I hope this year brings for all of you everything you wished for and more, and that whatever check-in you engage in, be it resolutions or just new thoughts, you are able to assess your life and make it work for you. You survived a whole 'nother year - if for nothing else, pat yourself on the back for that!
This is a level of introspection and self-analysis that I have not yet cultivated the ability to create about myself. I am rather impressed by this. My self-analysis generally tends toward the epic question, however thoroughly explored and looking at the thing from various perspectives, I still don't get to any reconciled answers or final thoughts without help from others. Very impressive, my dear.
ReplyDelete